Saturday 5 November 2011

Egyptian activist Alaa Abdel Fattah blogs from detention


Writing in colloquial Egyptian Arabic from detention Alaa Abdel Fattah: 


I am writing this blog while being ashamed of myself, I was moved to Tora Investigative [jail] on my insistence and nagging because I could not take the difficult circumstances of the appeal detention, the darkness, the filth, the cockroaches that crawl over my body day and night, there is no break and we don't see the sun, darkness again, but the issue that bothered me most was the toilet, I don't know how to handle the filth of the toilets and the absence of doors and stayed five days fasting, binded binded binded.

I was confounded by Nawarah (Negm)'s article in which she spoke of my manliness, but Naglaa Budeir's article reminded me of my previous detention where the blog was my refuge and where I was honest with myself.

I didn't know how to man-up and take (the conditions), even though thousands are bearing such conditions and worse, even though I haven't experienced the agonies of a military jail and wasn't tortured like other colleagues of military trials.

I have let down my colleagues of the Maspero (incident) detention and that of the Ministry of Defense along with other politicians, I have let down the convicts who were moved by the commotion that was created for me and decided to tell me about the atrocities of the Interior (Ministry) so I can tell the people, they were happy that someone could tell of the baltagiya (thugs) and the organized gangs, and yet I fled for the toilets.

I have exchanged the youthful company of the convicts that was filled with happiness & joy with that of the (ones accused of embezzling) public funds that is full of geezers, depression and boredom. During the appeal (prison time) I was daily discovering stories of those who were wronged and (other) important cases, the low ranked police officers who were detained after their first protest and were accused of burning the ministry. I didn't believe that there was something genuine amongst their ranks until I had met them. Tamer Rashwan, whose case is very ambiguous makes us doubt that the State Security is developing new discreet tools instead of detention, torture and neglect that I have witnessed in front of my eyes that I was memorizing so I can tell you about them when I get out.

It's not the convicts only who felt that I can play a role from the inside, the detectives were also harassing and inspecting whoever was conversing with me and the large number of informants and all what I said found its way to the administration.

I left all that for a more spacious, cleaner and brighter cell, and because I couldn't man up and withstand the toilets of the appeal (prison). This is my capability, these are my limits and this is my weakness.

Even the decision of rejecting being investigated in front of a military prosecution that you are celebrating has an element of cowardice, the day we gathered to take the decision I did not have any courage to listen to (my wife) Manal's opinion whom I will leave alone in the last days of her pregnancy and will leave her alone to oversee the workers who are preparing Khaled's room, I who shall be detained and she who shall be burdened while she is running around for my demands, my sustenance and my visitation permits as well as the campaign that was founded for my case.

I took the decision in a meeting with colleagues from the revolution and got her stuck and didn't listen to my wife and depended only on the certainty that she will back me up in all my choices.

And yet I am proud, it's true I am not the macho that Nawara (Negm) thinks I am but I am not a coward either, I was offered by an important person from the revolution a plea that allows me a swift exit, get out but refrain from insulting the General (Tantawi), only that, a small sacrifice was asked but I rejected it, how would I have faced my family if I had accepted?

Let's begin from the start: How are you? I am Alaa, a foot soldier in the revolution, there are those who sacrificed more than me, those who are much more courageous than me, and those whose role is much more important than mine.

I am Alaa, proud that I am doing what I can and sometimes surprise myself with what I am capable of. And I know myself and what I am not capable of. I try never to fail my commitments, I try to overcome fear always and I constantly try to be in the front lines at all times.

If you see in me any magnanimity, courage or bravery know that I draw them from my mom, my younger sisters and my wife (who being separated from is the hardest part of detention).

The Fifth Day and the First Night in Cell 1/6, Ward 4, Tora Investigative (Prison)
3-November-2011
Alaa Abdel Fattah
@Alaa

Translation by Mina Naguib in Stockholm, Sweden and Sultan Al Qassemi in Sharjah, UAE. Original Arabic post can be found here.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

My heart is broken for your struggles..and I will do what I can in my small way to support you through your these dark days..you don't have to "man up"...that is a hollow phrase with no real meaning..it is obvious to me you have a beautiful soul and great strength..good luck .
Anne
Albuquerque, NM USA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN SOOUD
R U READ MY MAILS????????////////////////////////////
PLZ RESPONSE MY MAILS
I AM VERY ANGRY WITH U,,,,,
RESPONSE MY MAILS,,,,,
RESHMI
FROM SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN
THROUGH UR BLOG I GIVES U LOTS OF MAIL,,,,,,
BUT UR NOT RESPONDING,,,
WHAT IS THE REASON????????/////////////
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN
HOW R U?/
R U FORGET ME???
I AM WHO GIVES U VARIOUS MAILS,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA
CONTACT WITH ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,,,

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULATN ALQASEEMI
HOW R U?
I REALLY MISSED U EVERY SINGLE
MOMENT,,,,,,,
UR VERY SPECIAL IN MY LIFE,,,
MANY MANY TIMES I TOLD U THAT COME TO MY HOME,,,,
BUT ULTIMATELY UR NOT COMING MY HOME,,,,,,
I HEART IS BROKEN,,,
TRY TO UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS,,,,,
WHICH DATE U COME TO MY HOME,,?????
U MAKE ME GETTING VERY TENCE,,
I AM JUST WAITING FOR U,,,,,
MY PARENTS ALSO MEET WITH U,,,
TAKE IT VERY VERY SERIOUSLY,,,,,,,
I KINDLY REQUEST U PLZ U COME TO MY HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,,,,,
UR MY NAREST AND DEAREST ONE,,,
RESHMI
FROM SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI
I THINK UR NOT READ MY MAILS,,,,
DONT WAIST UR TIME WHEREEVER UR,,,,,
U HAVE NO HEART FOR ME,,,,,
ONE GIRL GIVES U LOTS OF MAILS
AND UR NOT RESPONDING,,,,,
IT IS VERY VERY SHAMEFULL,,,,
FINALLY I TOLD U IF UR NOT
COMING MY HOME,,,,
THEN OUR FRIENDSHIP IS BROKEN,,,
SO PLZ U COME,,,, ONE BENGALI
GIRL INVITES U IN HER BIRTHDAY ,,,,,,
SO ACCEPT MY INVITATION THROUGH THE MAIL,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
IT IS VERY NECESSARY THAT U COME TO MY HOME WITHIN THIS MONTH,,,,,
I CORDIALLY INVITED U,,,,,
IN MY BIRTH DAY
22ND APRIL IS MY BIRTHDAY IAM WAITING FOR U,,,,,,
DONT WAIST UR TIME WHEREEVER UR,,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI
WHAT R U DOING???????
UR NOT GIVING ME ONE KIND OF RESPONSE,,,,,,
WHAT KIND OF PERSON UR???????
UR ARABIC MUSLIM,,,,AND I AM BENGALI HINDU,,,,,,
I WANTED TO MEET WITH U VERY SOON,,,,
U STAYING IN DIFFERENT COUNTRY,,,
BUT I MAILS U,,,,,
THE PROBLEM IS STILL UR NOT MEET WITH ME FACE TO FACE,,,,
I WISH U MEET WITH ME IMIDIATELY,,,,,
MY PARENTS ALSO MEET WITH U,,,,
TAKE IT VERY VERY SERIOUSLY,,
COZ IAM GET MARRIED VERY SOON,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN
THE MAIN PROBLEM IS UR NOT MEET WITH ME FACE TO FACE
U SOLVE MY PROBLEM,,,,,
CAN U UNDERSTAND WHAT CAN I SAY,,,,,,,,
U COME TO MY HOME WITHIN THIS MONTH,,,,,,,,
U HAVE NO BEAUTIFUL SOUL,,,,
UR ARABIC PEOPLE AND IAM INDIAN
SO COME TO MY HOME WITHIN THIS MONTH,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

HALLO SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI
I AM RESHMI,,,,,
I FEEL VERY PAIN COZ UR NOT RESPONDING MY MAILS,,,,,
I DONT KNOW THE REASON,,,,,
UR ARABIC PEOPLE R VERY CRUEL,,
U HAVE NO HEART FOR ME,,,,
ONE GIRL GIVES U LOTS OF MAIL
AND UR NOT RESPONDING,,,,,IT IS NOT FAIR,,,,,,,,,
IT IS VERY VERY URGENT THAT
U MEET WITH ME WITHIN THIS MONTH,,,,,
ANYHOW,,,, AT ANYCOAST,,,,,,,,,,,
U COME TO MY HOME
IMIDIATELY,,
R U READ MY MAILS,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

HALLO SULTAN
I LOOSE MY PASSION,,,
UR NOT GIVING ME RESPONSE,,,,
I AM VERY HEART COZ UR NOT GIVING ME RESPONSE,,,,,
WHY???/ TELL ME THE REASON,,,,
MAY I KNOW THE REASON?
TELL ME R U LOVE ME OR NOT,,,
IF UR NOT GIVING ME RESPONSE THEN I THINK UR NOT HUMAN BEING,,
U HAVE NO HEART FOR ME,,,,
ALLTIME I GIVES U MAILS UR NOT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY,,,
IT IS NOT FARE,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

HAI
WHAT R U DOING?
LOOK I AM BENGALI,,,,
BUT I MAILS U A DIFFERENT RELIGION,,,,
TRY TO UNDERSTAND,,, WHAT CAN I SAY,,,,,
MY PARENTS ALSO MEET WITH U,,,
R U READY FOR THAT,,,,
WHICH DATE U COME MY HOME?/
MEET WITH ME FACE TO FACE
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

HAI SULTAN SOOUD ALQASSEMI
R U LOVE ME OR NOT,,,,
TELL ME CLEARLY,,,,
I FEEL VERY VERY VERY PAIN,,,
UR NOT HUMAN BEING,,,,,
I REALLY MISS U
22ND APRIL IS MY BIRTHDAY THAT DAY U MUST COME IN MY HOME,,
I PERSONALLY INVITED U,,,,
I HOPE U COME THAT DAY,,,
U MUST COME
OKKKKKKK
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI
WHAT R U DOING??///////////////////////////////////
I REALLY MISS U,,,,,
WHAT KIND OF PERSON UR ,,,
I AM VERY HEART,,,
I AM TRULY CRYING FOR U,,,
COZ UR NOT WITH ME,,,,
MANY MANY TIMES I GIVES U MAILS ,,,,
BUT UR NOT RESPONDING,,,,
UR MINE,,,,
COZ UR MY FRIEND,,,
PLZ U MUST COME IN MY HOME,,,
I REALLY LOVE U,,,,
UR VERY SPECIAL IN MY LIFE BUT I DONT KNOW I AM THE SPECIAL ONE IN UR LIFE,,,,
RESHMI
FROM SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

HAI SULTAN ALQASEEMI
HOW R U??????///////////////////////
UR NOT HUMAN BEING?////////////////////
ONE GIRL GIVES U LOTS OF MAIL,,
BUT UR NOT RESPONSE MY MAILS,,,
I FEEL VERY INSEQURED WITHUOUT U,,,
WHERE R U?
I REALLY MISS U EVERY SINGLE MOMENT,,,
I LOVE U
UR NOT LOVE ME/////////////
U KNOW UR VERY CRUEL GUY,
COZ UR NOT RESPONDING MY MAILS
IT IS MY CONTACT NO 9531739368
U CAN CALL THIS NUMBER,,,,
CAN U UNDERSTAND WHAT CAN I SAY,,,,,,
RESHMI
UR NOT COMING MY HOME,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN
WHY UR NOT COMMUNICATE WITH ME?/////
MAY I KNOW THE REASON/////////
I AM VERY ANGRY WITH U PLZ U RESPONSE MY MAILS,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
WHAT R U DOING?/
R U MISS ME??/
I MISS U,,,,
LOTS OF MAILS I GIVEWS U BUT UR NOT RESPONDING,,,,
I AM VERY ANGRY WITH U,,,,
UR SO CRUEL GUY,,,,
I LOVE U LOT,,,BUT UR NOT UNDERSTAND MY FEELIGNS,,,
DONT WAIST UR TIME WHEREEVER UR
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI
HOW R U?/
I MISS U EVERY SINGLE MOMENT,,,
HOW SPECIAL UR IN MY LIFE U DONT KNOW,,,,,,
BUT I MAINTAIN OUR EMAIL BASE FRIENDSHIP,,,,,
R U GET ROMANCE WITH ME,,,,,
DONT WAIST UR TIME,,,,,
I REALLY LOVE U,,,,,
I MISS U ,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
HOW MUCH I LOVE U U DONT KNOW
UR VERY SPECIAL IN MY LIFE,,,
WHERE R U? WHICH DATE U COME TO MY HOME???
MY HEALTH CONDITION IS VERY BAD,,
I AM IN SILIGURI
AND U STAYING IN ARAB,,
BUT THE MAIN FACT IS IF UR NOT COMING MY HOME THEN MY MARRAIGE TO ANOTHER SOMEONE,,,
TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN
HOW R U??????
DONT WAIST UR TIME,,,,
PLZ MANY TIMES I MAILS U,,,
BUT UR NOT RESPONDING MY MAILS,,,
WHAT KIND OF BEHAVIOUR OF URS,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
HOW R U?????????????/
WHAT R U DOING?????????????
R U FORGET ME??????????/
R U READ MY MAILS OR NOT????????/
WHY UR NOT RESPONDING MY MAILS,,,,,,,,,,,
I AM VERY HAPPY IF U COME TO MY HOME,,,,,
UR VERY SPECIAL IN MY LIFE,,,,,
R U COMING MY HOME OR NOT??????????///
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
I AM RESHMI
R U LOVE ME???????????
YES OR NO,,,,,
MAY I KNOW THE REASON WHYT UR NOT COMING MY HOME,,,,,,,,
WHATS WRONG WITH U,,,,,,,
UR NOT LIKE ME,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
UR NOT LOVE ME,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I LOVE U,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
WHAT R U DOING?????????
PLZ DEAR U RESPONSE MY MAILS,,,,
I AM VERY HAPPY IF U COME TO MY HOME,,,,,,
SO DONT WAIST UR TIME WHEREVER UR,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ONE BENGALI FRIEND GIVES U THE
COMMITMENT THAT UR NOT A GOOD GUY,,,,,,,,,,,,,
COZ UR NOT COMING MY HOME,,,,
PLZ COMMUNICATE WITH ME,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
I AM VERY HAPPY THAT IF U COME TO MY HOME,,,,,,
UR VERY SPECIAL IN MY LIFE,.
WHERE R U???????????
I NEED U,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
IT IS VERY VERY NECCESSARY THAT
U MEET WITH ME FACE TO FACE,,,,
LOVE U,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASSEMI
ANY HOW ,,,,,,,,AT ANY COAST U COME TO MY HOME,,,,,,,,,,,
I NEED TO TALK WITH U,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY,,,,,,,,,
OTHERWISE MY MARRAIGE TO ANOTHER
SOMEONE,,,,,,,,,,,,,
BYEEEEEEE
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
IT IS ENOUGH THAT UR NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTION ANSWER,,,,,,,
IT IS VERY URGENT,,,,,,,,,,,
THAT U COME TO MY HOME WITHIN THIS MONTH,,,,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
R U FORGET ME????
UR NOT RESPONDING MY MAILS,,,,,,
WHAT IS THE REASON??????
PLZ CONTACT WITH ME,,,,
WITHOUT U I AM VERY ALONE,,,
I NEED U,,,,,,
CAN U UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS?
WE DONT KNOW MEET FACE TO FACE,,
I HOPE U MUST COME TO MY HOME WITHIN THIS MONTH,,,,
RESHMI
FROM SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI
I DONT KNOW U LOVE ME OR NOT,,,
BUT I LOVE U,,,,,
LOTS OF MAILS I GIVES U,,,
BUT U DONT RESPONSE,,,,,
I DONT KNOW THE REASON,,,,,,,,
GIVE ME UR WARM COMPANY,,,,
I HOPE U READ MY MAILS,,,,,
BUT IT IS VERY URGENT THAT U COME TO MY HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

DEAR SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI
I THINK U READ MY MAILS,,,,,
DAY AFTER DAY I MAILS U CONTINUOUSLY,,,,,,,
UR NOT RESPONDING MY MAILS,,,,
PLZ GIVE UR ANSWER,,,,,,
I FACE LOTS OF DIFFICULTIES,,,,,,
U DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE U,,,,,,,,
PLZ GIVE ME UR COMPANY,,,,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI
I THINK UR NOT READE MY MAILS,,
IF U READ WHAT IS THE REASON UR NOT REAPONSE MY MAILS,,,,,
HOW MUCH I LOVE U ,,,,,,
U DONT KNOW,,,,,,,,,
BUT I AM HOPELESS COZ UR NOT
RESPONSE MY MAILS,,,,,,,,,
U DONT THINK THAT U GET MY
MAILS AND U HAPPY FOR THAT NOT LIKE THAT,,,,
THE MAIN THING IS U GIVE ME UR CONTACT NUMBER,,,,,,
LOTS OF LOVE FOR U,,,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
HAI WHAT R U DOING????????
HOW R U????????
R U FORGET ME???????
WHERE R U??????
UR NOT MEET WITH ME???????
WHAT IS THE REASON???????
I LOVE U LOT,,,,,,,,,,,
UR NOT LOVE ME?????????
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
R U FORGET ME????????
LOTS OF MAILS I GIVES U,,,,,,,,,
UR NOT RESPONDING??????
MAY I KNOW THE REASON???????
IT IS NOT FARE,,,,,,,,,
UR VERY CRUEL GUY,,,,,,,,,,
ONE GIRL GIVES U VARIOUS MAILS
BUT UR NOT RESPONDING???????
PLZ COMMUNICATE WITH ME????????
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASSEMI
HOW R U?????????
R U FORGET ME??????????
PLZ COMMUNICATE WITH ME????????
AT ANYCOAST U MUST BE COME TO MY HOME,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I LOVE U,,,,,,,,,,,
IF UR NOT COMMUNICATE WITH ME
THEN MY MARRAIGE TO ANOTHER SOMEONE,,,,,,,,,,
I LOVE U,,,,,,,,,,,,,
PLZ CONTACT WITH ME?????????
IT IS VERY VERY URGENT,,,,,,,,,,,
TRY TO UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I LOVE U,,,,,,,,,,
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR SULTAN ALQASEEMI
HOW R U ??????????
I FEEL VERY INSEQURED,,,,,,,,,,,,
I LOVE U,
TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY...........
RESHMI
SILIGURI
INDIA

Ariel Diaz said...

DEAR SULTAN SOOUD ALQASEEMI I THINK U READ MY MAILS,,,,, DAY AFTER DAY I MAILS U CONTINUOUSLY,,,,,,, UR NOT RESPONDING MY MAILS,,,, PLZ GIVE UR ANSWER,,,,,, I FACE LOTS OF DIFFICULTIES,,,,,, U DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE U,,,,,,,, PLZ GIVE ME UR COMPANY,,,,,,,,, RESHMI SILIGURI INDIA

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